It's harder than it looks! Copy and paste to your own journal, erase my answers, and add your own. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real places, names and/or objects, but nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person you got this from has the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question. And have fun with it!

4 LETTER WORD: Suck
BOY NAME: Shamir
GIRL NAME: Sherwin
OCCUPATION: Student
A COLOR: Silver
SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Shoes
BEVERAGE: Shh shh (dog pee)
FOOD: Sushi
SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: Shampoo
A PLACE: Singapore
REASON FOR BEING LATE: Shitting...
SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: SON OF A WOMAN!


It's easier than it looks :D

Just a short update.

Maths exam last Wednesday was quite demoralizing. Ok I think I tried my best but I still lost around 17 marks, and I don't know what other careless mistakes I will make so hopefully I still score an A. I think I will do better in Physics than Maths actually.

Thursday's chemistry was difficult! Actually it was not difficult, it was just because there was not enough time. I think quite some time ago (last semester) I asked one of my seniors whether we will have enough time to finish Chemistry paper during exams or need to chiong. Then he/she said sure have enough time. Now I know I cannot believe that. I don't know what I can score for the paper, seriously, hopefully something decent (read: D... ecent).

HAHA yesterday was Chinese. It was so easy! I slept for quite long because I know I can score very well already! So easy (read: E... asy). Like what Miss Tan Pheck Hua, Chinese HOD, said, "考到一个 E 就可以了."

Hmm I feel very free now. Don't have anything to mug haha. Before exams I panicked and started to mug. Now maybe mug choir scores.

That kind of feeling just rekindled. So nostalgic. Not nostalgic actually, nothing from the past to be reminded of but it was just something I have done before. It's not something that can be described with simple words, like happy, disappointed... I think it's... crazy.

Oh at least the worst exams are all over. Geography was yesterday and this morning was General Paper (GP). Because of my poor sleeping habits, I slept for 3 hours this morning so I was yawning away while doing my GP exam. Luckily I did not fall asleep before I finished writing my essay.

After the essay part of the exam, the chief invigilator said, "You may leave the exam hall, please come back by ##:## am." So I was telling Ryan that I would rather stay in the hall because there was no place I could go anyway. Half a minute later an invigilator told us to leave so that they could distribute the papers. Hmph so it was not an invitation for us to leave :(. Left my things there in the hall

Went to the choir room for a while before returning to the hall. When I returned...

WHERE DID MY WATER BOTTLE GO TO????

I think somebody must have kicked it because I placed it on the floor beside my chair. Kicked until I could not find it at all. So I had no water bottle for the rest of the day and had to learn to be a camel.

Then I had Economics exam. Wow, I have never written so much in my entire life. I simply regurgitated everything that I had studied into the paper. The question on Market Failure was quite easy, but I was a little shocked by the one on the case study of the hotel. Nonetheless I still managed to finish the questions. The essays were very challenging because they really made me think about what to write. The use of keywords and diagrams were very important too, both which I have used, as they are guaranteed to help me score more marks. I think I am going to do quite......

Oh sorry I forgot I don't take Economics. Geography yesterday was nearly the opposite from the previous paragraph. Because I did not study enough, I went into the exam hall with no knowledge of mitigation of tectonic hazards nor evidence of plate movements, both questions which I did and am prepared to score low. I managed to finish the paper, of course, how much can you expect me to write? I am prepared to get an S, or if I am really unlucky and the teachers decide to be more strict in their marking, I will get a U grade... wait, U means Ungraded, so there is no grade.

The above 2 paragraphs are actually dedicated to Gabriel Chee, who keeps forgetting that I take Geography rather than Economics. Twice he asked me about Economics and twice I played on with him. Gabriel, be ashamed thankful, I seldom dedicate anything to anyone, you should feel very embarrassed honoured by now.

May loves this slogan. I don't know why also.

[link]

Good video to relieve stress. Bloopers (some are actually not bloopers but funny comments purposely made).

Mid-years tomorrow. Die liao.

3 things I've learnt during the holidays:

1) The more you want something to happen, the more it won't happen.
2) If you keep thinking of someone, it shows that you miss that person... badly.
3) I cannot study without the computer, yet I cannot study with the computer in front of me.

Went for Geography tutorial this morning. 7am, whoa! So early. Was late as expected, but luckily the tutorial has not started yet. A 90-minute session on population geography really showed how much I knew (sarcastic) about the topic itself. Guess I did not study enough. Then Kevin was indirectly suanning me because he claimed that he has not studied yet but yet he knew so much.

Slept in the choir room for 2 hours before going to Bishan for the 2nd day of Nationals Schools Bridge Teams Championships. 1st day was yesterday. We played against 7 other teams from other schools (which actually means all teams) over 2 days, and I am quite proud to say that we thrash them badly (sarcastic), scoring in Victory Points: 20-10, 21-9, 25-0, 25-0, 25-2, 24-6, 20-10. Wow. I actually hoped that we could at least win 1 team (really!). Never mind, it was good experience, especially that our team consists of J1s only and all the other teams have J2s only and NO J1s.

There was one board where I made a grave mistake as my opponents overruff my winner with his master trump, resulting in contract down 1. Didn't catch that? That means I trumped my own winner and my opponent trumped with something bigger, so effectively I lost 1 trump which resulted in -100 score instead of +620.

Ok actually I didn't want to come today, but I am so nice because I know Hong Aik doesn't want to play contract bridge alone haha.

I guess no more contract bridge for the next few weeks. Really gotta study for mid-years, and after mid-years it will be Wales!

I hope I dun have nightmares about Bridge tonight (and for subsequent nights as well). I had a few recently and was having headaches about counting, trumping, bidding etc.

Oh yeah Dr Wong (president of Singapore Contract Bridge Association) was there. Then each team gets to take a picture with him. When it was our turn, the club manager said, "VJC will come back next year!" At first we were wondering what she meant... was she trying to encourage us after our heavy loss? Then we realised that it was because we were all J1s. Haha.

Circling round the stars,
Like satellites we are.
A light to guide the way,
No matter where are you,
You are always here...

I am nothing to the world.

This statement is very true, and I know it very well too. But my knowledge in this will somehow contradict why I am typing this post. But since I have started it, I might as well continue with it.

These 2 days have been quite demoralising to me. I have realised how I need to be changed... drastically. People say that the process is more important than the result. For my case, I care too much about the result, sacrificing the process completely. Perhaps and hopefully the result of this event (call it event A) is the process of a bigger event B, so at least I won't lose out too much. But my sacrificing the process of event A, I am downgrading myself.

Does it matter so much when I downgrade myself? Is it really necessary for us to be upgrading ourselves all the time? On the contrary, upgrading oneself is not always as good as it seems. Like people always say, there is always a peak before the curve starts to drop, and the faster you peak, the faster you drop. But you don't intentionally downgrade yourself. Not that I can help it, and as much as I don't want to, I am.

Perhaps it's the fall. I don't want to end up like 1 or 2 of my friends, who simply think that they are everything to the world. Obviously they are not really accepted by many people. I have a feeling that I am starting to have their mentality. At the same time, I am confident I will not downgrade myself so much, but some things can't be helped... or can they?

I often feel pleased when I am being upgraded. I feel even better when I am being upgraded by other people, because it shows that the way I do things do have an impact on the people surrounding me and are being acknowledged. But at the same time it contributes to my arrogance level subconsciously. Until now I don't know how high my arrogance level is. I used to think that it is nearly zero. Now? Dare not say.

Event B is my ultimate aim, and I want both the process and the result to be paramount. Event A is just a subset, but it is these little subsets that determine my character. Do I not realise it? Am I doing too much for myself, but in the end harming myself? What should I do?

I realised I have been asking myself too many questions - questions that can only be answered by me. Yet I cannot find answers to those questions. I understand that only one person in the world can help me, and that person is me. But I am such a loser, because I can't help myself either.

This has never happened in the past. Perhaps I am growing old, or rather growing up, and I start to realise more things that I won't have realised in my early years anyway. I start to face the reality. There are ways to chicken out, like not facing the facts directly, but I know I can do much better than that. Facing the reality is hard, it creates more hatred when I am not careful. I don't mind, it's others who will mind, and I will regret in the end.

I think the only way is to stop completely. Then think.