I think I will do a short follow-up post on one of my previous posts about relationships.

In a relationship, you want the bond between both the guy and the girl to be strong and everlasting. However, what kind of bonds are we talking about? If you say 'ionic bonds' or 'covalent bonds', then I congratulate you because I see some potential in you scoring well for your chemistry examination. But in this context, you deserve only half the credit. Yes, ionic (and covalent) bonds are strong, but what is lacking is the substance, the quality of the bond. You do not just form bonds with any other person like how atoms or ions do, right?

It is important that in a relationship, nobody should be too dominant. In this post, my definition of 'dominant' will mean that someone tends to gain control of the relationship too much. It can also mean that the other person is (sometimes purposely) not doing enough and constantly hiding behind his/her partner. Take note that I used 'too much'. The guy should be more dominant than the girl in a sense, but nobody should be dominating too much.

Why is it that the guy has to be more dominant? Firstly, the guy is physically built this way to protect the girl. As a general trend, guys have more muscles than girls. That brings me to a point that it does not mean that guys are the only gender suffering. Yes, guys have to torment all the physical tortures because guys are supposed to be like this. However, girls do have to suffer more emotional hardships than guys because girls usually have lower Emotional Quotient than guys. Girls also have to suffer pains which guys do not have to suffer such as labour pain and menstrual cramps. All in all, members of both genders are built such that each gender has to suffer some pain, but mostly distinct kinds of pain from the other gender.

Secondly, guys are... well, guys. They are meant to lead. They have a higher reputation to uphold than girls. When girls take the lead, people will think that the guy is not doing his job. He is being a sissy who hides behind his girlfriend, following her footsteps. There is not really much explanation for this. Perhaps from the past, it has always been the guy going out to brave the storm.

In my point of view, when I say nobody should be too dominant, I will want to mean that the guy should do something to control it. This is because usually the guy has much greater power in a relationship than the girl. He can choose to exercise it up to his own free will, and he can choose how much to exercise. However, sometimes it also depends on the case. We look at 3 cases.

1) The guy is too dominant. This happens either when the guy does not think for the girl, or the girl refuses to match up to the guy in terms of taking control. For the former case, it is usually very hard for the guy to realise, until or unless the girl reminds him. Since the guy tends to be more dominant than the girl (as explained above), he may overdo it. For the latter case, the girl may just like to follow the footsteps of the guy. This is all right, but I feel that in a relationship, love should be both ways. The girl should not just let the guy make all the decisions. The girl should play a part too. This is what I mean by strong bonds.

2) The girl is too dominant. This happens when the guy is naive in nature. The girl may just exert her power a little and the guy will just follow. The guy may get bullied in this case, which should not happen in a relationship. The girl can be too dominant too when the guy wants to please the girl too much. In this case the girl actually is not being 'too dominant'; the guy is being too recessive. Just like what is explained earlier, love should be both ways. The guy should not just do everything for the girl because it is not love. If you look at the girl's point of view, the girl can only be grateful to the guy for everything he does for her, but where is the love? The girl will feel awkward when everything goes in her way.

Also, love fades over time, so what happens when the love starts to fade? The guy will get tired of doing things for the girl. This is dangerous because usually a breakup may occur when both are tired of each other. When one is tired of the other but the other is not, the relationship can still sustain through; perhaps later the one who got tired of the other may start to find an interest in the relationship once again and continue it confidently. However, in the case I was discussing about, the girl does not feel anything for the guy in the first place, so it will 100% that the relationship will end when the guy feels tired of the girl after a while.

3) None is too dominant than the other. This is the ideal situation based on the discussion above.


I am sorry that my post has no examples owing to the lack of experience. Also, this post may appear very confusing. I just hope that you get my idea lah haha.

Different people view relationships differently. In this context, my definition of relationships is between two people of opposite genders, not the family kind.

In primary schools or even kindergarden, you would have met a cute girl sitting opposite you. You decided to start a relationship with her, although a little childish, but still worth a try. You became very close together.

After graduation, you realised that your previous girlfriend was merely just a close friend. Because both of you moved on to different secondary schools, you were unable to see each other every day. Your girlfriend was not a necessity but was merely a close friend. Both of you decided to break up. Both of you were cool with it. So it was all right.

In secondary schools, you thought you met the dream girl of your life. She's pretty, adorable, and is friendly. Furthermore, both of you seemed to click very well. Both of you decided to be together, this time, you asked her to be your counterpart with more confidence because you had experience.

Soon, you realised that you cannot tolerate her. She had terrible mood swings, and expected much from you. She did not view you as a partner, but a guardian instead. She complained to you every day, often doing things which would benefit her rather than benefit both people. You started to reconsider your decision. Perhaps she was just taking advantage of you. You found her as an irritant. You decided to break up with her.

To add salt to the wound, she started to complain to the people around her about the break-up, because she had no one to take advantage of. People have a bad impression of you, and no matter what explanation you gave, you were unable to convince others to support you.

In junior college, you have grown more matured. You know which kind of girls to choose. You know inner beauty predominates outer beauty. You know that girl has to do her part as a girlfriend. You found a suitable candidate. She is one whom you have taken a few months to consider. Furthermore, she likes you too. This is good news. You felt that you have never made a better decision than to ask her to be your girlfriend.

She is okay. She cares for you very much. She spends time with you, cheers you up with you are down, laugh with you when you are happy, emo with you when you do not feel like talking. All well seem well, until one day you see her with another guy. Platonic relationships are okay, so you think. But that platonic relationship develops into something more. You found out that she has been unfaithful to you. You decide to break up with her...

---

Before I continue, I must say that whatever I have posted above does not reflect me nor any of my friends. It is just a sudden outburst of imagination which I thought should be written into text. If it really happens to reflect anyone, it is purely coincidental.

What you have realised above is potential reasons for break-ups between couples. Firstly, you are unable to see each other often and your love for each other fades. Secondly, both of you grow tired of each other. Thirdly, one of you becomes unfaithful to the other.

Some people take relationships lightly. It is all right, as long as both parties have the same frequency. If you are not careful, you may be thinking of relationships as a tryout or a warm-up exercise for a real relationship which you may potentially be meeting in the future; whereas your counterpart may be thinking of a real serious one which she hopes that both of you may last for a lifetime. When such ideas clash, it is usually very hard on one of them when facing a break-up - usually the one who thinks that relationships should last a lifetime. However if both are comfortable with relationships being just short-term, it is totally all right. It should not be viewed too seriously by any third parties ready to criticise the fault between the relationships when a break-up occurs. Different people view relationships differently.

However, I feel that getting into a relationship should not be taken with a pinch of salt. The simple reason is, you do not know what the other person may be viewing the relationship as. If you are very carefree about the relationship while the other is viewing it seriously, you hurt the other very deeply when a break-up occurs. The result of this misery does not bring you any benefit at all, so why bother adding the net misery to the world? Conversely, if you are serious about the relationship while the other is not, you end up only hurting yourself when a break-up happens. This is more noble and selfless than the former example, so instead of crying over it, you should feel glad that you have matured from this failed relationship.

Before you even start a relationship with the one you like and the one you will potentially love, you need to consider the worst case scenario. What happens if you are unable to see each other for a long time? Will the love fade? The more important question is: are both of you willing to make the relationship last as long as possible? Of course, do not be too pessimistic and consider the scenario as so bad such that it seems like your counterpart is not doing her part properly in maintaining the relationship.

One important aspect to consider is whether you are able to put up with whatever weaknesses or incapabilities your partner has. Let's break away from this serious discussion for now and think of it in a humourous way. Imagine a conversation between a couple goes...

[Girl]: Darling, I have something to tell you.
[Boy]: Yes?
[Girl]: It's something quite bad. Will you still love me after I tell you?
[Boy]: Yes, as long as it is not so bad.
[Girl]: I... snore when I sleep...
[Boy]: !!!
[Girl]: ... and I fart in my sleep.
[Boy]: OMG! LET'S BREAK UP!!

What's the problem here? You love your girl in almost every aspect. Because of some small obstacles, you propose a break-up. It is very unfair to the girl. Why is it that both of you got together in the first place? Did you not like her because of who she was, and not just her physical appearances alone?

Why do people get into a relationship in the first place? According to Maslow's hierachy of needs, the most basic need that you can get from a relationship is sex. But this need can be fulfilled in a brothel, for example - I shall not go into detail. So if relationship is not about sex, what is it about? The second and third levels of the hierachy states that people need safety, and love and belonging, something that going into a relationship can fulfill. Potentially, the couple can get married and protect each other from financial difficulties, and health and well-being. Social needs are also fulfilled, such as intimacy and having a family which you can communicate to and depend on.

To fulfill these needs, you want a relationship to last as long as possible. This is because it is important to build up your relationship to foster a stronger bond between both of you, so that both can lead happier lives. Relationships should not be viewed simply or carefreely, otherwise you will not have a lasting relationship.