Different people view relationships differently. In this context, my definition of relationships is between two people of opposite genders, not the family kind.
In primary schools or even kindergarden, you would have met a cute girl sitting opposite you. You decided to start a relationship with her, although a little childish, but still worth a try. You became very close together.
After graduation, you realised that your previous girlfriend was merely just a close friend. Because both of you moved on to different secondary schools, you were unable to see each other every day. Your girlfriend was not a necessity but was merely a close friend. Both of you decided to break up. Both of you were cool with it. So it was all right.
In secondary schools, you thought you met the dream girl of your life. She's pretty, adorable, and is friendly. Furthermore, both of you seemed to click very well. Both of you decided to be together, this time, you asked her to be your counterpart with more confidence because you had experience.
Soon, you realised that you cannot tolerate her. She had terrible mood swings, and expected much from you. She did not view you as a partner, but a guardian instead. She complained to you every day, often doing things which would benefit her rather than benefit both people. You started to reconsider your decision. Perhaps she was just taking advantage of you. You found her as an irritant. You decided to break up with her.
To add salt to the wound, she started to complain to the people around her about the break-up, because she had no one to take advantage of. People have a bad impression of you, and no matter what explanation you gave, you were unable to convince others to support you.
In junior college, you have grown more matured. You know which kind of girls to choose. You know inner beauty predominates outer beauty. You know that girl has to do her part as a girlfriend. You found a suitable candidate. She is one whom you have taken a few months to consider. Furthermore, she likes you too. This is good news. You felt that you have never made a better decision than to ask her to be your girlfriend.
She is okay. She cares for you very much. She spends time with you, cheers you up with you are down, laugh with you when you are happy, emo with you when you do not feel like talking. All well seem well, until one day you see her with another guy. Platonic relationships are okay, so you think. But that platonic relationship develops into something more. You found out that she has been unfaithful to you. You decide to break up with her...
---
Before I continue, I must say that whatever I have posted above does not reflect me nor any of my friends. It is just a sudden outburst of imagination which I thought should be written into text. If it really happens to reflect anyone, it is purely coincidental.
What you have realised above is potential reasons for break-ups between couples. Firstly, you are unable to see each other often and your love for each other fades. Secondly, both of you grow tired of each other. Thirdly, one of you becomes unfaithful to the other.
Some people take relationships lightly. It is all right, as long as both parties have the same frequency. If you are not careful, you may be thinking of relationships as a tryout or a warm-up exercise for a real relationship which you may potentially be meeting in the future; whereas your counterpart may be thinking of a real serious one which she hopes that both of you may last for a lifetime. When such ideas clash, it is usually very hard on one of them when facing a break-up - usually the one who thinks that relationships should last a lifetime. However if both are comfortable with relationships being just short-term, it is totally all right. It should not be viewed too seriously by any third parties ready to criticise the fault between the relationships when a break-up occurs. Different people view relationships differently.
However, I feel that getting into a relationship should not be taken with a pinch of salt. The simple reason is, you do not know what the other person may be viewing the relationship as. If you are very carefree about the relationship while the other is viewing it seriously, you hurt the other very deeply when a break-up occurs. The result of this misery does not bring you any benefit at all, so why bother adding the net misery to the world? Conversely, if you are serious about the relationship while the other is not, you end up only hurting yourself when a break-up happens. This is more noble and selfless than the former example, so instead of crying over it, you should feel glad that you have matured from this failed relationship.
Before you even start a relationship with the one you like and the one you will potentially love, you need to consider the worst case scenario. What happens if you are unable to see each other for a long time? Will the love fade? The more important question is: are both of you willing to make the relationship last as long as possible? Of course, do not be too pessimistic and consider the scenario as so bad such that it seems like your counterpart is not doing her part properly in maintaining the relationship.
One important aspect to consider is whether you are able to put up with whatever weaknesses or incapabilities your partner has. Let's break away from this serious discussion for now and think of it in a humourous way. Imagine a conversation between a couple goes...
[Girl]: Darling, I have something to tell you.
[Boy]: Yes?
[Girl]: It's something quite bad. Will you still love me after I tell you?
[Boy]: Yes, as long as it is not so bad.
[Girl]: I... snore when I sleep...
[Boy]: !!!
[Girl]: ... and I fart in my sleep.
[Boy]: OMG! LET'S BREAK UP!!
What's the problem here? You love your girl in almost every aspect. Because of some small obstacles, you propose a break-up. It is very unfair to the girl. Why is it that both of you got together in the first place? Did you not like her because of who she was, and not just her physical appearances alone?
Why do people get into a relationship in the first place? According to Maslow's hierachy of needs, the most basic need that you can get from a relationship is sex. But this need can be fulfilled in a brothel, for example - I shall not go into detail. So if relationship is not about sex, what is it about? The second and third levels of the hierachy states that people need safety, and love and belonging, something that going into a relationship can fulfill. Potentially, the couple can get married and protect each other from financial difficulties, and health and well-being. Social needs are also fulfilled, such as intimacy and having a family which you can communicate to and depend on.
To fulfill these needs, you want a relationship to last as long as possible. This is because it is important to build up your relationship to foster a stronger bond between both of you, so that both can lead happier lives. Relationships should not be viewed simply or carefreely, otherwise you will not have a lasting relationship.
In primary schools or even kindergarden, you would have met a cute girl sitting opposite you. You decided to start a relationship with her, although a little childish, but still worth a try. You became very close together.
After graduation, you realised that your previous girlfriend was merely just a close friend. Because both of you moved on to different secondary schools, you were unable to see each other every day. Your girlfriend was not a necessity but was merely a close friend. Both of you decided to break up. Both of you were cool with it. So it was all right.
In secondary schools, you thought you met the dream girl of your life. She's pretty, adorable, and is friendly. Furthermore, both of you seemed to click very well. Both of you decided to be together, this time, you asked her to be your counterpart with more confidence because you had experience.
Soon, you realised that you cannot tolerate her. She had terrible mood swings, and expected much from you. She did not view you as a partner, but a guardian instead. She complained to you every day, often doing things which would benefit her rather than benefit both people. You started to reconsider your decision. Perhaps she was just taking advantage of you. You found her as an irritant. You decided to break up with her.
To add salt to the wound, she started to complain to the people around her about the break-up, because she had no one to take advantage of. People have a bad impression of you, and no matter what explanation you gave, you were unable to convince others to support you.
In junior college, you have grown more matured. You know which kind of girls to choose. You know inner beauty predominates outer beauty. You know that girl has to do her part as a girlfriend. You found a suitable candidate. She is one whom you have taken a few months to consider. Furthermore, she likes you too. This is good news. You felt that you have never made a better decision than to ask her to be your girlfriend.
She is okay. She cares for you very much. She spends time with you, cheers you up with you are down, laugh with you when you are happy, emo with you when you do not feel like talking. All well seem well, until one day you see her with another guy. Platonic relationships are okay, so you think. But that platonic relationship develops into something more. You found out that she has been unfaithful to you. You decide to break up with her...
---
Before I continue, I must say that whatever I have posted above does not reflect me nor any of my friends. It is just a sudden outburst of imagination which I thought should be written into text. If it really happens to reflect anyone, it is purely coincidental.
What you have realised above is potential reasons for break-ups between couples. Firstly, you are unable to see each other often and your love for each other fades. Secondly, both of you grow tired of each other. Thirdly, one of you becomes unfaithful to the other.
Some people take relationships lightly. It is all right, as long as both parties have the same frequency. If you are not careful, you may be thinking of relationships as a tryout or a warm-up exercise for a real relationship which you may potentially be meeting in the future; whereas your counterpart may be thinking of a real serious one which she hopes that both of you may last for a lifetime. When such ideas clash, it is usually very hard on one of them when facing a break-up - usually the one who thinks that relationships should last a lifetime. However if both are comfortable with relationships being just short-term, it is totally all right. It should not be viewed too seriously by any third parties ready to criticise the fault between the relationships when a break-up occurs. Different people view relationships differently.
However, I feel that getting into a relationship should not be taken with a pinch of salt. The simple reason is, you do not know what the other person may be viewing the relationship as. If you are very carefree about the relationship while the other is viewing it seriously, you hurt the other very deeply when a break-up occurs. The result of this misery does not bring you any benefit at all, so why bother adding the net misery to the world? Conversely, if you are serious about the relationship while the other is not, you end up only hurting yourself when a break-up happens. This is more noble and selfless than the former example, so instead of crying over it, you should feel glad that you have matured from this failed relationship.
Before you even start a relationship with the one you like and the one you will potentially love, you need to consider the worst case scenario. What happens if you are unable to see each other for a long time? Will the love fade? The more important question is: are both of you willing to make the relationship last as long as possible? Of course, do not be too pessimistic and consider the scenario as so bad such that it seems like your counterpart is not doing her part properly in maintaining the relationship.
One important aspect to consider is whether you are able to put up with whatever weaknesses or incapabilities your partner has. Let's break away from this serious discussion for now and think of it in a humourous way. Imagine a conversation between a couple goes...
[Girl]: Darling, I have something to tell you.
[Boy]: Yes?
[Girl]: It's something quite bad. Will you still love me after I tell you?
[Boy]: Yes, as long as it is not so bad.
[Girl]: I... snore when I sleep...
[Boy]: !!!
[Girl]: ... and I fart in my sleep.
[Boy]: OMG! LET'S BREAK UP!!
What's the problem here? You love your girl in almost every aspect. Because of some small obstacles, you propose a break-up. It is very unfair to the girl. Why is it that both of you got together in the first place? Did you not like her because of who she was, and not just her physical appearances alone?
Why do people get into a relationship in the first place? According to Maslow's hierachy of needs, the most basic need that you can get from a relationship is sex. But this need can be fulfilled in a brothel, for example - I shall not go into detail. So if relationship is not about sex, what is it about? The second and third levels of the hierachy states that people need safety, and love and belonging, something that going into a relationship can fulfill. Potentially, the couple can get married and protect each other from financial difficulties, and health and well-being. Social needs are also fulfilled, such as intimacy and having a family which you can communicate to and depend on.
To fulfill these needs, you want a relationship to last as long as possible. This is because it is important to build up your relationship to foster a stronger bond between both of you, so that both can lead happier lives. Relationships should not be viewed simply or carefreely, otherwise you will not have a lasting relationship.
Labels: Relationships
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