I think I will do a short follow-up post on one of my previous posts about relationships.
In a relationship, you want the bond between both the guy and the girl to be strong and everlasting. However, what kind of bonds are we talking about? If you say 'ionic bonds' or 'covalent bonds', then I congratulate you because I see some potential in you scoring well for your chemistry examination. But in this context, you deserve only half the credit. Yes, ionic (and covalent) bonds are strong, but what is lacking is the substance, the quality of the bond. You do not just form bonds with any other person like how atoms or ions do, right?
It is important that in a relationship, nobody should be too dominant. In this post, my definition of 'dominant' will mean that someone tends to gain control of the relationship too much. It can also mean that the other person is (sometimes purposely) not doing enough and constantly hiding behind his/her partner. Take note that I used 'too much'. The guy should be more dominant than the girl in a sense, but nobody should be dominating too much.
Why is it that the guy has to be more dominant? Firstly, the guy is physically built this way to protect the girl. As a general trend, guys have more muscles than girls. That brings me to a point that it does not mean that guys are the only gender suffering. Yes, guys have to torment all the physical tortures because guys are supposed to be like this. However, girls do have to suffer more emotional hardships than guys because girls usually have lower Emotional Quotient than guys. Girls also have to suffer pains which guys do not have to suffer such as labour pain and menstrual cramps. All in all, members of both genders are built such that each gender has to suffer some pain, but mostly distinct kinds of pain from the other gender.
Secondly, guys are... well, guys. They are meant to lead. They have a higher reputation to uphold than girls. When girls take the lead, people will think that the guy is not doing his job. He is being a sissy who hides behind his girlfriend, following her footsteps. There is not really much explanation for this. Perhaps from the past, it has always been the guy going out to brave the storm.
In my point of view, when I say nobody should be too dominant, I will want to mean that the guy should do something to control it. This is because usually the guy has much greater power in a relationship than the girl. He can choose to exercise it up to his own free will, and he can choose how much to exercise. However, sometimes it also depends on the case. We look at 3 cases.
1) The guy is too dominant. This happens either when the guy does not think for the girl, or the girl refuses to match up to the guy in terms of taking control. For the former case, it is usually very hard for the guy to realise, until or unless the girl reminds him. Since the guy tends to be more dominant than the girl (as explained above), he may overdo it. For the latter case, the girl may just like to follow the footsteps of the guy. This is all right, but I feel that in a relationship, love should be both ways. The girl should not just let the guy make all the decisions. The girl should play a part too. This is what I mean by strong bonds.
2) The girl is too dominant. This happens when the guy is naive in nature. The girl may just exert her power a little and the guy will just follow. The guy may get bullied in this case, which should not happen in a relationship. The girl can be too dominant too when the guy wants to please the girl too much. In this case the girl actually is not being 'too dominant'; the guy is being too recessive. Just like what is explained earlier, love should be both ways. The guy should not just do everything for the girl because it is not love. If you look at the girl's point of view, the girl can only be grateful to the guy for everything he does for her, but where is the love? The girl will feel awkward when everything goes in her way.
Also, love fades over time, so what happens when the love starts to fade? The guy will get tired of doing things for the girl. This is dangerous because usually a breakup may occur when both are tired of each other. When one is tired of the other but the other is not, the relationship can still sustain through; perhaps later the one who got tired of the other may start to find an interest in the relationship once again and continue it confidently. However, in the case I was discussing about, the girl does not feel anything for the guy in the first place, so it will 100% that the relationship will end when the guy feels tired of the girl after a while.
3) None is too dominant than the other. This is the ideal situation based on the discussion above.
I am sorry that my post has no examples owing to the lack of experience. Also, this post may appear very confusing. I just hope that you get my idea lah haha.
In a relationship, you want the bond between both the guy and the girl to be strong and everlasting. However, what kind of bonds are we talking about? If you say 'ionic bonds' or 'covalent bonds', then I congratulate you because I see some potential in you scoring well for your chemistry examination. But in this context, you deserve only half the credit. Yes, ionic (and covalent) bonds are strong, but what is lacking is the substance, the quality of the bond. You do not just form bonds with any other person like how atoms or ions do, right?
It is important that in a relationship, nobody should be too dominant. In this post, my definition of 'dominant' will mean that someone tends to gain control of the relationship too much. It can also mean that the other person is (sometimes purposely) not doing enough and constantly hiding behind his/her partner. Take note that I used 'too much'. The guy should be more dominant than the girl in a sense, but nobody should be dominating too much.
Why is it that the guy has to be more dominant? Firstly, the guy is physically built this way to protect the girl. As a general trend, guys have more muscles than girls. That brings me to a point that it does not mean that guys are the only gender suffering. Yes, guys have to torment all the physical tortures because guys are supposed to be like this. However, girls do have to suffer more emotional hardships than guys because girls usually have lower Emotional Quotient than guys. Girls also have to suffer pains which guys do not have to suffer such as labour pain and menstrual cramps. All in all, members of both genders are built such that each gender has to suffer some pain, but mostly distinct kinds of pain from the other gender.
Secondly, guys are... well, guys. They are meant to lead. They have a higher reputation to uphold than girls. When girls take the lead, people will think that the guy is not doing his job. He is being a sissy who hides behind his girlfriend, following her footsteps. There is not really much explanation for this. Perhaps from the past, it has always been the guy going out to brave the storm.
In my point of view, when I say nobody should be too dominant, I will want to mean that the guy should do something to control it. This is because usually the guy has much greater power in a relationship than the girl. He can choose to exercise it up to his own free will, and he can choose how much to exercise. However, sometimes it also depends on the case. We look at 3 cases.
1) The guy is too dominant. This happens either when the guy does not think for the girl, or the girl refuses to match up to the guy in terms of taking control. For the former case, it is usually very hard for the guy to realise, until or unless the girl reminds him. Since the guy tends to be more dominant than the girl (as explained above), he may overdo it. For the latter case, the girl may just like to follow the footsteps of the guy. This is all right, but I feel that in a relationship, love should be both ways. The girl should not just let the guy make all the decisions. The girl should play a part too. This is what I mean by strong bonds.
2) The girl is too dominant. This happens when the guy is naive in nature. The girl may just exert her power a little and the guy will just follow. The guy may get bullied in this case, which should not happen in a relationship. The girl can be too dominant too when the guy wants to please the girl too much. In this case the girl actually is not being 'too dominant'; the guy is being too recessive. Just like what is explained earlier, love should be both ways. The guy should not just do everything for the girl because it is not love. If you look at the girl's point of view, the girl can only be grateful to the guy for everything he does for her, but where is the love? The girl will feel awkward when everything goes in her way.
Also, love fades over time, so what happens when the love starts to fade? The guy will get tired of doing things for the girl. This is dangerous because usually a breakup may occur when both are tired of each other. When one is tired of the other but the other is not, the relationship can still sustain through; perhaps later the one who got tired of the other may start to find an interest in the relationship once again and continue it confidently. However, in the case I was discussing about, the girl does not feel anything for the guy in the first place, so it will 100% that the relationship will end when the guy feels tired of the girl after a while.
3) None is too dominant than the other. This is the ideal situation based on the discussion above.
I am sorry that my post has no examples owing to the lack of experience. Also, this post may appear very confusing. I just hope that you get my idea lah haha.
Labels: Relationships
1 Comments:
hmm... Your approach to relationships is analytical to say it nicely, You seem able to to detach yourself from the situation and look at it from a third person perspective.
This is interesting, I'm more used to an outporing of emotion from most people. ~Shi Wei
comment #4075567872748021905
<< Home